Pastor, “People are the problem” is a lie bitterness tells you. Here’s how to love again.

Two pastors stand up to preach to the same kind of room. Both see the woman on one side who frowns through the whole sermon. The first pastor quietly starts preaching at her, avoids the lobby afterward, and drives home muttering, “Ministry would be great if it weren’t for the people.” The second pastor prays for her on the drive home, forgives what needs forgiving, and shows up next week with a clean spirit. Same room. Different belief. Different future. If you’ve started to believe “people are the problem,” here’s how to fall back in love with the people God has entrusted to you.

The old story: “People are the problem”

Have you said it? “The people just don’t get it.” “God, what is wrong with Your people?” You start to sound like an Old Testament prophet complaining about a stiff-necked people. Maybe it’s online and you’re wondering why everyone is so mean. Maybe it’s in the middle of a sermon. You’re preaching to one side of the room and it’s going great, then you turn to the other side and there she is, frowning at you the whole time. You’re just teaching the book of John! How can someone be that upset?

And it feels true because people really can be mean. People bite. People can be rough. That part isn’t imaginary.

What it costs

The cost is the slow drift from loving your people to resenting them. When you make people the problem instead of making the problem the problem, your heart starts to get hard. Bitterness creeps in. You separate yourself. You avoid the lobby. You avoid meetings. And you stop doing the very thing God called you to do, which is to be with people.

Some of this is the bill coming due from avoided conversations. Everything you leave unaddressed gets worse. It’s amazing how five people can sour the whole room in your mind, and then you’re writing a sermon just because of one person. I’ve had to repent of that.

Breaking the old story

First, remember who they are. When the prophet says, “these stiff-necked people,” they’re still God’s people. And you are one of them. God saved you as much as He saved them. You are not so much better than they are.

Second, own it. The church you have is the one you built. It’s the one you’ve prayed for and preached to. The team you have reflects your leadership.

Third, name the real issue: it’s bitterness, and bitterness grows out of unforgiveness. So turn it back on yourself. Think about how stubborn and prideful you’ve been, and how patient God was with you. His affection toward you never changed. If He’s been that patient with you, you can be patient with other people.

Jesus looked on the crowds with compassion. If you’ve lost that, this is the time to ask the Lord to break your heart for the people again. We can’t curse the people God has called us to serve.

And forgiveness doesn’t mean you have no wisdom. You can pray, “God, I forgive them. I may not trust them, and I may not put them in leadership. But I’m going to treat them with kindness and grace.” Forgive them. Forgive them again. Forgive them seventy times seven.

The new belief: I love the people God has entrusted to me

We’re in the people business. We’re here because we love people. Some of you have been preaching to the same room for a couple of decades and you’ve had three different congregations in those chairs, because people come and go. Keeping a clean spirit through all of that can feel impossible. But your spirit is your responsibility. “I’m not bitter. I’m not small. I’m not petty.” As you release it to the Lord, you’ll fall in love with ministry again, and with people again.

What to do this week

1. Forgive early and forgive often, starting today. Write down the names of people in your church who have hurt you. Then pray over each one: “I forgive them in Jesus’ name. I release Your justice to You. I won’t take vengeance.”
2. Own it. Say it out loud: the church I have is the one I’ve built, prayed for and preached to. Then ask what in your leadership needs to change.
3. Pray for the person you least want to preach to. Before Sunday, pray for the frowning face by name, and ask God for the grace to be loving and kind.

You’re not responsible for how people react to you, but you are responsible for you. So keep a clean spirit and pray it with me: “God, thank You for the opportunity to preach. Thank You for the ability to serve. Thank You for Your grace. Help me to be gracious as well.”