Pastor, “I have to say yes to everyone” is draining your church. Here’s what gets your yes.

Picture two pastors with the same week ahead. Both have a full inbox, a sermon due Sunday, and a line of people asking for a piece of them. The first pastor says yes to every request: the district event, the side project, the online argument, the good idea somebody has a passion for. He’s at the office until ten and still behind. The second pastor knows what gets his yes. He gets four solid things done, hands the rest to trusted leaders, and goes to hit a bucket of range balls. Same week. Different belief. Different future. If you’ve ever told yourself, “I have to say yes to everyone,” this one’s for you.

The old story: “I have to say yes to everyone”

It sounds like this. “Pastor, can we do this?” Oh yeah, we can do that. “Pastor, I really have a passion for this. Can we do it?” Yeah, sure. “Pastor, can you…?” Of course. You feel the pressure, and saying yes feels like serving.

And early on, that’s right. When you’re planting or the church is small, you bake the cakes and run the register. You say yes to everything because there’s nobody else. The problem isn’t starting there. The problem is staying there.

What it costs

My friend Eric Smith says it simply: “When you say yes, there will be less.” Less of your energy. Less of your attention. Every yes costs something.

Here’s what I mean. You can have forward energy, sideways energy, or backwards energy, and not all activity is forward motion. District events, fights online, speaking somewhere else, chasing trends, building your brand, writing a book too early. None of those are evil. But a lot of them are sideways. They keep you busy without moving the church forward.

Some of you are working 60 or 70 hours a week, but they’re deeply inefficient hours. Meanwhile another pastor gets more done in 30 hours than you get done in 60, because he’s saying yes to the right things, executing them in the time they’re meant to take, and delegating the rest. You feel like you’re running on a treadmill. He’s resting and spending time with his family.

Breaking the old story

We’ve talked about vision. Vision is what tells you what you’re saying yes to and what you’re saying no to. So you need a filter: does this fit a growing, thriving church, or is it just a nice thing? That’s how you let your yes be yes and your no be no.

Now, you might be thinking, “I’m already saying yes to the right things.” Are you, though? Here’s where your yes belongs:

• Your team.
• Your preaching. Becoming a better preacher, week in and week out.
• New people in their first 90 days, so as many as possible get onto a team or into a group.
• A legacy team of high-capacity givers, so you can speed up giving, building projects and so much more.
• Meeting new people in the lobby. This is Disney World, and you’re Mickey Mouse. They want to meet you. “I know my pastor” is one of the top satisfaction factors in a church.

You need to know your key performance indicators, because whatever you measure gets your attention, and whatever gets your attention gets your yes.

And if you’re telling yourself, “I can’t preach good sermons,” I’d ask: what’s taking you away from your number one task? “Well, I’ve got all this other stuff.” That other stuff is not your primary thing. You move the needle by getting your top three things done really, really well. The rest, even if someone else does it at 50 to 80 percent of what you could do, delegate it.

That goes for social media too. Hand the login to your intern. Stop working on your brand. Start working on your church.

The new belief: every yes costs something, and boundaries protect what matters

This isn’t only about what to say no to. It’s about what you must say yes to. Boundaries aren’t walls you hide behind. They protect the few things God has actually put in your hands. When you say yes to the right things, you have a more efficient day, and a more efficient day gives you real rest. That’s not striving harder. That’s stewarding the time He gave you.

What to do this week

1. Make a sheet. Stop and write it down: What gets my yes? What needs to get delegated? And what’s the deadline for when it’s off my plate? When a request comes in, ask, “Who needs me?” and give your yes to that.
2. Cut one sideways commitment. Pick one thing that’s just nice, not forward, and hand it to a trusted leader or let it go.
3. Spend the time on your sermon. Take the hours you just freed up and make this week’s message 5 to 10 percent better. Do that week after week and watch what happens.

You can’t say yes to everyone, because when you say yes, there’s less. So give your yes away on purpose. Forward, forward, forward. Preaching, preaching, preaching.