Pastor, “I have church hurt” isn’t what it sounds like. Here’s what’s underneath.

You’ve seen it trend. Nothing does better on the algorithm than a church hurt story, because it’s critical and it’s salacious. You’ve heard it in your lobby too: “I have church hurt.” I want to talk about it in a way you may not have heard before, because underneath that phrase is a sermon of the serpent. Here’s what it is, and how to answer it without minimizing anyone’s pain.

What neo-Marxism is

Old Marxism pitted class against class, poor against rich. Neo-Marxism, the world of critical theory, moves from class conflict to institutional guilt. It treats the institution as sinful rather than people, and drives collective guilt.

The rule is simple: take something individual, a personal offense, and broad-brush it onto the whole institution. Declare the institution irredeemable. Then tear it down. The goal is to infiltrate, capture, and destroy, and offense is a very effective mechanism for doing it.

The serpent’s question

Jesus gave us a clear path when someone sins against us: go to them (Matthew 18:15). The serpent’s twist is “Did God really say to go to your brother, or to tear down the house?” He came to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). Jesus comes to restore and heal.

The cover story usually sounds noble: “We’re purifying the capital-C Church.” When they’re honest, what they mean by purifying is destroying.

Step 1 — Separate the hurt from the label

Let me be clear: hurt does happen in the church. I’ve been hurt by people who work in a church, and by my board. Maybe a situation was poorly handled. Maybe it was rightly handled and you just had a bad perspective. It’s impossible to always know. Real hurt is real.

But it isn’t church hurt. It’s individual hurt. It’s a person with a person, a hurtful conversation, a disagreement. The line is individual accountability versus institutional demolition. And we can always improve at how we lead, including doing church discipline better. That’s different from saying one person did a bad thing, so the whole church is bad.

Step 2 — Move every grievance toward a person

Here’s why this matters so much. Once the institution is guilty, there’s no individual left to reconcile with, and no repentance available. You can’t sit across the table from an institution. You can only attack it. That’s the point.

So take it to the person. Matthew 18 this situation, instead of making it your identity, your algorithm, and what you post on social media all the time. Congratulations, you got attention and likes, but you didn’t do what Jesus told you to do. Be wary of any language that indicts “the Church” while naming no one.

Step 3 — Deal with the root of bitterness

When someone says “I have church hurt,” what they’re often projecting is, “I have a root of bitterness and unforgiveness, and I need to deal with it.” Scripture says to see that “no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many” (Hebrews 12:15). The church hurt movement is about defiling many: the church, pastors, everyone. The gospel calls you to humble your heart instead.

Whether they change or not, whether you reconcile or not, having a clean spirit is your responsibility. Releasing bitterness is your responsibility. Bitterness will destroy your thought life, your family, your focus, and your future. It can take years of your life, not just moments of your thinking.

Step 4 — Forgive early and often

Rejecting the concept of church hurt is one thing. You also need to be a forgiving person. Pray it: “Search me, God, and know my heart” (Psalm 139:23). Is there any bitterness or unforgiveness in me?

If you’re thinking, “These guys all need to pay, I need to take justice into my own hands,” there’s a better way. Have a clean spirit. Don’t feel the need to always defend yourself. Be able to say, “I’ve forgiven them. I’ve made efforts at reconciliation. Now I’m moving on, full of faith, knowing God has a better future for me.”

You don’t have church hurt. You have hurt with a person. Go to them, forgive early and often, and keep a clean spirit. The serpent wants the house torn down. Jesus wants you healed and the relationship restored.